When I opened my freebie newspaper, The Comet, this week I literally stumbled over an article about a 'lo al ameraman filming a new movie in enmark.' This was closely followed by another piece about a woman '...following her ream to help starving hil ren in Afri a.'

Figured it out yet? That's right. Every 'c' and 'd' was missing in the small print on a dozen or so pages including the letters page. And it wasn't just my paper; all the newspapers delivered in our area were the same. It made for highly entertaining reading and inadvertently produced a host of new words and phrases that I'm sure the Oxford English Dictionary would love to get their hands on.

For example:

One woman went to hospital for 'hemotherapy' - presumably to get her frayed skirt fixed. Another had a big 'a hievement' - I'm glad the tablets worked things out for her. One man complained about 'the serious rime in the area' - what was he looking for, poetic justice? Someone else described the behaviour of teenagers outside a local take-away as 'isgusting' - but that's what curries do to your insides isn't it?

I couldn't resist submitting my own letter to The Comet and I pray that they publish it next week. Here's what it said:

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SIR - Missing out the two letters that follow 'b' in the alphabet in the newspaper I was given last week was a masterstroke. As a lover of puzzles, I have been kept busy for many an hour trying to work out what your journalists really wrote in their prose.

Or am I mistaken? Were you just highlighting green issues by saving a whole thirteenth of your ink thereby minimising waste in an effort to save our environment?

Either way, I salute your noble intentions. However, in the interests of legibility, perhaps your able journalists may wish to omit the two letters that follow 'b' altogether in their writing before it even goes to print. It's easy to write without using the letters in question. My own message here proves my point.

Yours,

Steven Barley

P.S. I hope you have no problem printing this letter.
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Search it. You won't find a single 'c' or a 'd' anywhere. I await next week's edition of the Comet with interest to see exactly what letters they decide to print this time.